The Strangest Side-Project Ever
by frostdragon64
Summary: When I'm not working on The Dragon Slayers, I'll be working on this: a collection of random stories ranging from moments of friendship and short AU sci-fi stories. More info in my bio! And... The rating just went up. You'll see why if you read Ch. 2. Don't worry, the story arcs are usually only one chapter. Enjoy!
1. Bye-Bye, Fourth Wall

**A/N: So, let's get right into this then, shall we?**

XxX

_Bye-Bye, Fourth Wall_

The girl sat in silence, tapping away at her keyboard, a half-eaten Oreo next to her mouse. Crumbs littered the desk and her lap, a haven for any curious fly who wandered close to the shining blue screen with the intention of investigating. Her dog snored on a pillow nearby; one would've needed a herd of stampeding elephants to wake the elderly, fluffy canine.

She glanced at the digital display of the clock in the nearby kitchen. Nine o'clock. Half an hour to finish up. The girl, Frost, stuck the Oreo, in all of its crumby, icing-y glory, into her gaping mouth, crunched away as fast as she could, and for once, ignored the taste. Eyes set on the desktop in front of her, she had a job to do. Frost's fingers flew, as if they had been practicing a ballet routine in their spare time.

Frost had made it to the 4,000-word-benchmark when something snapped. Literally. It was as if a giant hand had invaded her personal space bubble, snapped its fingers with the sound of a sonic boom, woken her dog with a frantic yelp, and-

Wait, what?

She whirled around, and sure enough, a giant disembodied hand floated lazily next to her, a humming sound emanating from it. Frost had no idea of where the sound was coming from on the hand, and she didn't especially want to know.

"Hello," Frost said. Easiest way to greet a giant hand.

"Hello," Master Hand said. For she knew that the mighty, gloved one in front of her was none other than Master Hand, leader of the ones known as Smashers, supreme being and sovereign overlord. The hand rotated, fingers grasping idly at the air. "You have a nice home."

"Why, thank you." She did a little bow from the waist. He was from a video game; what did that change? He was still in front of her, talking using... whatever body part or organ he talked with. "Erm, do you mind?" Frost gestured at the space beneath Master Hand's levitating palm where her dog sat, head bowed, eyes wide as jaw-breakers, her entire body shaking intensely. The poor thing didn't even have the wits to bark. "You're scaring my dog."

Master Hand drifted to the side, knocking a lamp down from its place on the ceiling with a crunch. "Right. Forgive me."

Frost waved her hand in dismissal and said, "No big deal. Dad has way too many of those, anyway. The lamps, not the dog." She shifted back to her computer and continued typing in her usual, brisk way. As she did so, keeping an eye on the many words appearing on her screen, she said, "Why're you here? I don't think video game characters form portals to the human world out of nowhere, do they?"

"Well, ah," and here Master Hand hesitated a bit. "I just wanted to go somewhere, that's all. I ended up here."

She raised an eyebrow, but continued to write. "Okay, I guess that's fine." _I've seen stranger_, she thought.

Master Hand cleared his nonexistent throat. "Oh, and I brought someone else with me."

Immediately, Frost jumped up from her chair like she'd been launched from a cannon, scaring her dog enough to send her cowering under the mahogany table._ If you brought Snake or Samus or Mario or Link or Ganondorf with you, I swear to God, Amaterasu, Zeus, and every single deity I can think of, I will shove you back into the portal you came from. DON'T YOU DARE._ But, what came out of her mouth was a quiet "Oh. Who'd you bring?"

"Him." And Master Hand moved aside to show a blue-haired swordsman, his legendary Falchion strapped to his hip. His eyes gleamed, and Frost hoped it was from something unrelated to her. "Say hello to Marth. You've seen him before, I believe." Did she hear pleasure in his deep, resonating voice, or was that just her?

She nodded once, cautiously went up to Marth like a small, inexperienced puppy exploring with a new toy, and held out a hand. The swordsman held out one of his own, and they shook heartily. Frost was about to say something on how much she admired him and his series when a rumble shook the walls and the floor. The three of them looked about, but Frost's dog just started whimpering. There was a high-pitched squeal, and suddenly, a brick wall that hadn't been in the middle of the room a second ago exploded.

Out from the smoking, charred hole poured a group of five teenage girls wearing profuse amounts of makeup (which Frost found quite unnecessary), screeching like banshees at someone's funeral, and all holding pen and notepads. They stomped across the room, screaming their lungs out, and pushed Frost out of the way, much to her annoyance. The gaggle of fangirls surrounded a surprised and very disturbed Marth and herded him into the hallway.

Once the clouds of dust settled, Master Hand said, "Well, that was..."

"Strange? Unexpected? Perverted?" Frost suggested.

"Yes. Any one of those will do."

"Pfft." Frost bent down and turned off her laptop. "So, I guess you want me to help out."

If Master Hand had the capability of expression, he would have looked very confused. "With what?"

"Getting Marth away from those rabid fangirls...who so happened to know where he was!" Frost glared at the hole in the wall, as if staring down someone on the other side. "Lemme guess, you want me to distract them. What should I use? Bottles of makeup? Ugg boots? Gift cards to Forever 21?"

Master Hand snickered, but then said, "That's alright, but you won't be needing anything of the sort." He gestured with his index finger. "Come this way."

The two of them went down the hall, stepping carefully and silently. Well, except for Master Hand. He didn't have to step anywhere. Frost yawned, thinking about how nice it would be to have a cup of hot cocoa.

They found Marth, sitting cross-legged on the floor, as if trying to meditate and find his inner self. Around him sat the group of teenagers, talking excitedly like parrots on overdrive, fiddling with their notebooks, and laughing their heads off. They faced away from the duo, and hadn't noticed them. Yet.

Master Hand snapped his fingers, making Frost wince. There was a puff of smoke that smelled like lavender, a flash of whiteness brighter than a strobe light, and the five fangirls were lying in a perfect circle, snoring worse than her dog after a sleeping pill and cradling chibi Marth plushes.

Marth's cheeks turned as red as ripe tomatoes. "Were the stuffed dolls necessary, Hand?"

"Hmm." He swirled the air with one enlarged finger. "I was out of ideas."

Marth huffed and stomped back to the dining room, where they had been moments before. "I'll meet you back at the Mansion." Without another word, he disappeared.

Frost looked at him as he left. "Um, is he gonna go through... y'know..."

"No. I'll have him create his own portal." Sure enough, a small gust of air wafted pleasantly through the house, and promptly dissipated. "And speaking of which, I should be going, too." Master Hand held out his pinkie, which Frost shook without a sound. "After you go to bed and when you wake up in the morning, you'll find the damage has been repaired. The brick wall will disappear." His other fingers fidgeted. "Nice meeting you, Frost."

She nodded, and just like that, Master Hand and the fangirls were gone.

Frost looked down; her dog was at her side, barking like crazy. She smiled and got ready for bed.


	2. Zero The Second

**A/N: Now, we take a trip to the dark side. The urge to write this came when I obsessively listened to a certain song from Kirby 64: The Crystal Shards, and I gotta say that this guy is really disturbing. Two words: concept art. And no, this is not Mega Man. Nothing remotely close... I figured you'd appreciate a link to his battle theme (which I take no credit for), so here it is (i****t's the first result that comes up)**:

** /I-Kc1-Z7I4M**

**Final thing: If any of you readers want me to elaborate on these chapters/make them into story arcs/make them into actual fics, go ahead and say so.**

**Read on...**

XxX

_Zero The Second_

_I am the all-seeing one,  
__Birthed of chaos and darkness,  
__'Till my time is done,  
__'Till I am put to rest._

_With wings of blood,  
__Hailing from a world of evil light,  
__I ascend from the shadows,  
__To do what is right._

_When I open my eye,  
__All things cease to live,  
__I am the quencher of fire,  
__I am the vessel of the fallen._

_Now all I leave is this:  
__A message to those who listen,  
__A halo, broken and shattered  
__A star, dim and darkened_

_I come from the world of night,  
__The living fear my name,  
__I am Zero the Second,  
__I am the crimson rain._

XxX

"Quite poetic, don't you think?" The white angel spread his dismembered wings, and flecks of red liquid spattered onto the ruined, tarnished pillars dotting the courtyard. The eye on his head, coated in a thick film of blood, darted about restlessly, while the eye in his chest opened and closed sporadically. "It sums me up quite nicely."

"Y-yes, milord. Very poetic." His guard nearby fiddled with his halberd. "You're quite excellent with prose and the like, sir."

"Hmm." Zero scratched his chin in a curious way, glancing upwards to the halo on his bandaged head. The cracked circle of light had long since dimmed. "It's a side-effect of being an angel, I suppose. All angels are poetic."

The guard nodded and was about to spend the next ten minutes complimenting Esteemed Lord and Supreme Ruler Zero when he heard footsteps and an odd shuffling against the cobblestone path.

Under his breath, Zero muttered in his deep, baritone voice, "Let this be the last of those accursed heroes." He waved a hand, as if his arm was held in the grasp of a gentle breeze. Out loud, he said, "Come forth."

The two approaching warriors took a few more steps and threw the man they had been carrying between them at the base of Zero's throne. One of them pounded his spear into the ground and said, "This is the last of them, lord. They'll never trouble you again."

"Oh? And what about that miserable Star Warrior? That insufferable pink ball of menace... Why, I could rip out his heart if I wanted to." Zero snarled at the air and jumped away from his throne. "Well, what of him?"

"Kirby is dead, along with all his other... friends." The guard with the spear swallowed, and then bowed deeply. "You are the ruler of this realm and Subspace. The Hands have been dealt with. The same goes for Tabuu and his subordinates. This is your territory now, Your Highness. You may do what you wish."

Zero laughed out loud. "This is too good! That show-off Tabuu could never conquer a realm if he wanted to." He looked down at his feet where the last Smasher lay, breathing heavily and bleeding from several deep cuts and arrow wounds. "Who's this?"

The second guard stepped forward and slung his longbow over his shoulder. "This is the one who we perceived to be the largest threat, milord. He's older than most of them, and we think he has lots of experience." He rolled the beaten and bruised body over to reveal a middle-aged man with deep blue eyes, blood-crusted stubble on his chin and upper lip, and a gray headband wrapped around his forehead. "This is Solid Snake, former FOXHOUND combat operative, master of six human languages, a son of Big Boss, and a savior of the human race. And, he is the last living Smasher."

Now, Zero was howling with glee. "Oh, I've heard about you, Snake! It'll be a real treat to see your sanity break like a fragile little teapot." The fallen angel clapped his hands and reached for the weapon curled at his waist. "We should get started now."

The whip came faster than Snake could recognize. It bit into his shoulder mercilessly, cleaving through his Sneaking Suit and cutting into his flesh. He bit back a yelled curse and grasped the wound with one shaking hand. He tried to stand up, but fell onto one knee. His shoulder was now gleaming with crimson blood. In a sort of paralyzed horror, he watched as black vapor rose out from under his fingers.

"Poison now courses through you. It has no antidote, and its origins have been lost to your kind forever. In a matter of five hours, you will be dead." Zero felt his whip affectionately, as if cradling a child. "I'll have you know, this very weapon killed your friends and comrades. Just a heads-up."

Snake finally found the urge to speak. He looked up, right into the one red eye on Zero's head and said, choking, "Bastard..." The end of the word trailed off into another bout of coughing.

"Hmm." Zero stroked his own chin again with clawed fingers. "As he is the last of his forsaken kind, I think he deserves... special treatment." He flicked the blood off his whip and coiled it up. As he put it back on his belt, he said, "No one besides the Star Warrior and his friends from his homeland have laid eyes on my true form. You should be thankful."

The warlord stepped back to the foot of his throne and spread his arms wide. A halo surrounded him, like the ring around the sun during a solar eclipse. He uttered a deep, smoky chuckle, and his form was swallowed by a cloud of ink-black fog. Snake and the guards waited with still breaths.

The evil, corrupted mist blew outwards in a ring formation, flattening the pillars and stirring up great columns of dust. A guard cried out in alarm and ducked just as a boulder the size of a tree flew where his head had been a moment earlier.

Hovering in the last remaining particles of dark matter was a vaguely raindrop-shaped monstrosity, his gleaming, slitted eyeball crying tears of blood staring back at them. His polygonal wings were separated from his body, connected to his back by some mysterious force and coated in a dark, red substance, the same substance dripping from his eye. The halo on his head glowed a bright yellow light, and the cracks that had once been visible were no longer there. Below the levitating halo sat a large bandage that covered the crown of his head-like body.

"You may call me... Zero-Two." The eyeball-creature laughed again in that same wispy voice. "I am nothing, and yet, I am everything. In the end, I am your superior, your commander. And in the end, I am your doom."

A bar of energy shot from Zero-Two's eye and sank into Snake's chest. Immediately, his world was engulfed in a wave of indescribable white-hot pain. His vision fogged over. He could dimly hear the sounds of Zero-Two's raspy laughs, but they sounded miles away. The last things he felt were gusts of cold winds, colder than the winds of the north, carrying with them feelings of despair and darkness.

XxX


End file.
